Larch began life in Spring Wood at the top of Staunton Harold Reservoir in Melbourne. A fine figure of a tree he soon attracted the interest of some worthy lads from Melbourne Rugby Club. The owner of Spring Wood, John Blunt, had told the Rugby Club that they could have 4 of his finest Larch trees to turn into posts for the Rugby Club. The Rugby Club had to fell and remove the trees themselves.

Larch and three of his very tall friends soon found themselves setting out on a great adventure. It was an exciting and eventful trip away from the wood where they had spent all their life. The journey was hazardous as they swayed and wobbled on Cockney’s trailer as it made its precarious way along Ashby Road, onto High Street and began to negotiate the turn from the Market Place onto Church Street where a large crowd had turned out to watch the shifting and shouting, the twisting and turning. The trees had never seen shops and houses before, although they recognised some cousins in the Bus Stop shelter.

Eventually they arrived at Brook Farm where they were mightily relieved to find that they were going to have a short holiday and be cosseted and well fed before their new life began. The bark was removed from the trees who were left a couple of weeks to sunbathe naked before being painted a glorious, brilliant white by Garry, Dennis, BB et al. Once their new coats were dry the trees were back on the trailer making their way to their new home on the rugby pitch at the Recreation Ground in Melbourne.

Larch and his friends were each placed into Keith Guymer’s freshly dug holes, standing tall enough for all the visiting rugby clubs to see as they approached the village. No Satnav needed to find Melbourne Rugby Club in those days. Larch and his mates were taller than the famous posts at Twickenham. The old sloping pitch, (now levelled and in use as football pitches) dropped off 22 feet from the top right to the bottom left of the pitch and was said to be worth 15-20 points if played to advantage.

Some of Larch’s family have been known to grow as tall as 150 feet in cold and distant places such as Siberia and Canada. His ancestors in the town of Larignum in the Alps managed to repel Julius Caesar when he attempted to burn the larch tree fortifications. They held against the invader and Caesar was forced to withdraw. Other members of Larch’s family are in great demand for building yachts and are also popular specimens for Bonsai.

Larch himself stood the test of time, performing his duties tirelessly, eventually making way for the new aluminium posts and enjoying a well-earned retirement.

1. First position you played in rugby: At the top of the original sloping pitch
2. Worst injury: My crossbar collapsed

3. Best player you played with at MRFC or elsewhere: Jonny Wilkinson

4. Best person for post-match drinks, fun and frolics: Mike Tindall

5. What should your nickname be: Hackmatack

6. What bad habit do you have: I’m a little flakey

7. Your sporting hero: David Foster OAM

8. Your non-sporting hero: Mons Urangsvag

9. Favourite food/meal: Dulux

10. Favourite TV programme/film: Gone with the Wind

11. Favourite book: The Blue Book TPO Guide to Good Practice

12. Who dead or alive would you like to have a conversation with: Major Oak

13. You can take either a book, music or a tool to a desert island. Which, and what would it be: A Sail – To help me get back home

14. Dream job: America’s Cup Yacht Mast

15. Tell me something about you that no one knows: I am also a medicine and treat eczema and psoriasis

16. A phrase that reflects your life: Stand tall and proud, and live unbowed

17. What sport do you wish you’d tried: Pole Vault

18. Who would you like to see interviewed for this article: Gilbert Ball

19. Your wish for the future of MRFC: To Flourish

20. Your Melbourne Dream Team of players past and present:

Just a 7s Team for me:-
Gilbert Ball
P Whistle
Try Line
Post Pad
A Flag
Touch Line
Whitey Wash